ATTENTION BLIZZARD GOERS UP NORTH: HERE’S MY THOUGHTS ON BREAD VS. DOING IT THE FLORIDA STORM WAY.

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WHY WHY WHY??? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS? 

BUT THEN IN THE SUMMER MONTHS WHEN IT IS RAINING WE GET THIS:

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IN THE SUMMERTIME… it comes down in buckets and the wrath of God and nature is displayed in the thunder and lightening here. 

Trust me,  it rains everyday at 3 pm.  And sometimes it doesn’t stop raining for days and weeks.  And we have this:

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Why do I post all this?

Welll…  last  summer around late July and August… we had a really bad bad flood here in the 90 degree heat, just before our AC unit went out of commission.  Imagine your snowstorm  with no heat.  That’s our version with the humidity of 200 percent. Yes, I wrote that.

And you all didn’t give a DAMN SHIT.  YES, THAT IS THE DAMN TRUTH AND YOU WERE WARM AND NOT MELTING IN THE HEAT.  AND YES, I cannot lie here.WE DON’T CARE OR GIVE A DAMN FR0CK about your snowstorm or your heater problems.

We are getting even…. we like it that way.  I am not a Catholic zombie Mommy blogger with the damn flowers on my blog here to be appealing so everyone can see right through it.

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I wear these above and these….

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No DAMN ZOMBIE CATHOLIC MOMMY BLOGGER Would be caught red or dead in the above shoes because they are not in her size and I am in no way sharing my pizzaz.  I even get stares from the retired community when I wear “THE SHOES”.  AND WHEN I DO THIS

SUNG;ASSES

OR THIS…

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November to about early April here is rest time from all the bad weather.  We get a heaven and a reprise from all that sweating we do here for eight months. The AC is off and we don’t give a hoot.  We also don’t own socks or more than five sweaters or even pantyhouse.

But my point here is this:  why in the hell are you all grabbing bread and milk? What do you cook with all that schlock?   I know the power goes out and you like us have to deal with IT, BUT WE ARE MORE PREPARED IN SOME WAYS.

Go on Amazon and get this book.  It is about our hurricanes and how we cook.  I have two copies.  Too bad I would lend anyone mine but the author needs the money. I don’t know her but I know of her.

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http://www.amazon.com/Storm-Gourmet-Creating-Extraordinary-Electricity/dp/1561643343/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1453434725&sr=8-1&keywords=storm+gourmet

But hey…. I don’t see any bread and milk in that book, right Daphne. At least we

here in snowless land can cook or mix it up.

But no one told any of those up north people that bread is full of gluten and fattening. Keep eating it and you ladies will most certainly not look good in a swimsuit!

But hey we had our meltdown last LAST SUMMER IN THE 100+ DEGREE HEAT.

Got that?  We don’t care… or almost don’t care… you have 24 hours.  to download this book and save your DAMN SELVES. IT IS ALL ABOUT SURIVING ON CANNED FOOD AND STUFF BESIDES BREAD.

IT IS ABOUT keeping your figure for the beach that you will not have the nerve to visy because you are too damn fat and look like a bunch of beached sucky whales because you were eating all that bread.

Yes, I wrote that too.  Gluttony is a sin.  So is shopping at the fat lady store when you don’t have to do so now or later this year.

There is a kindle version and you can download Kindle programs on your ‘putters.

Bucket list 2016: I have to meet Daphne this year.  I am going to review her book that I bought in 2012 and 2013.   I would love to talk with her in person.

We don’t use milk because the power goes out too here.  We use table cream or condensed milk.  And our coffee is Cuban and stronger than hell.  Café Bustelo or even Tampa mud water.   If you are in a flood zone or ground zero here, you have sense enough to drink.

And when all that snow melts?  It too will flood.

But that is another blog entry.  What in the hell are you all going to do?

Don’t say I didn’t warn ye.   Get the comprehensive insurance on your car tonight before hell breaks loose and you are yelling into the Geico or whomever ear about your sh** .

Don’t just do that bread thing.  My guess: your Christmas was too good. But that is why I live in Tampa bay.   You can’t afford anything else but bread because your credit cards are maxed out the hell you caused when you got mad there was no snow for Christmas and New Years.

We don’t do Christmas in July.  But I do my birthday on the light side and just go out to eat and melt outside the restaurant.

How hot is it?  My tank top is too many items of clothing.  My hair is wet when it is not raining and the steering wheel is on damn fire and it is hard to drive because the windows fog up from the AC in the car when it is working.  And it is worse when the spring breakers show up and shove their giant trucks into your and my small car .

But go ahead and do the book.  Trust me,  it is a nine dollar Kindle bargain.  You can print some of this.  And then you can stock up on something better than bread.

Besides the food in this book tastes better.  Got that ??? We have salads you can make WITHOUT BREAD.

SUPER GOT THAT?

 

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